its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
