Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
