I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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