She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
