I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
