I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
