good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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