if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
