I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
