last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
