my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
