I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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