I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize