whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
