We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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