:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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