does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who died my cat blue again?
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