Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
