I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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