You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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