AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is my gift to your gina
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
