Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
