Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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