she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
