JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
