I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
a search helicopter?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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