We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
