We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
