He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
