He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
