I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
