its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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