I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
