I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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