I'm going to jail i love you
my shit smells like andre
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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