did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize