Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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