After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
