you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found your dick twin last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
