he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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