10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are we still banned from the library?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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