I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
