you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize