Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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