Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
