Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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