wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
