Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
