remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
