At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
