the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize