I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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