My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
