shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
