Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize