You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
