Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
