It's Friday. Sex?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Congratulations! We have a period
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize