Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
