just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
