He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize