The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
