Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
