I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
