wakey wakey hands off snakey
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
