you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize