he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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