I feel like abortions should bother me more
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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