So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
