I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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