I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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