I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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