her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
