You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
