bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
