I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
