U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
