girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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