A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
