help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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