If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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