I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
