Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
