He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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