Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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