just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize