M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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