I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
