overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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