Umm I'm too high to move.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
