The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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