He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize