So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
