Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
