Plan B is the new Plan A
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
