Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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