I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
