You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
