don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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