I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You're like the curious george of whores
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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