If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
