You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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