tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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