Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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