My first STD was from a foam party
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
