I wanna passion pit in your ass
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
