I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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