Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
